#16 Showing Up.

Last night I started feeling unwell. Not unexpected seeing as a couple of my small people are under the weather already. I took the morning at a more leisurely pace making sure I had a long hot shower to really wake me up. I cooked and cleaned and played. I didn’t get to do any sewing or other craft but I did spend some time outside watering and just pottering. Everyone was pretty quiet. Thats how it gets in a house of many sometimes. I didn’t feel great but I was in a good mood and it seemed that everyone else was too. Bonus! I currently feel worse and it seems to have affected my creative flow because I don’t feel like do anything. One thing I can say for myself is I always show up. Meaning I do the best I can no matter what. I did today and I’m here now writing because I made a commitment to write everyday.

Sometimes showing up is hard. When you’re in the full funk of depression and her best friend anxiety is skipping along beside her, showing up is hard. When you’re sick of any sort, showing up is hard. Any illness is hard. Mostly we get lucky and illness is only temporary. Sometimes though, you feel as though you will never get better or that you may not ever feel better again. Of course the hours pass and one day turns into the next. How we manage to make it through is a very individual process. Speaking for myself I can say that when I’m ill with a virus or something, like now, everything else goes out of whack. Mentally I’m like Bambi, precarious on my legs. Luckily I know myself very well and am prepared. So I take it easy on myself and I make things soothing. I light my candles. I enjoy every small part of the seemingly mundane tasks that I undertake. I take pleasure in the conversations I have and I don’t push myself to do more than I can. I stop when I need to. This is very new to me. The stopping I mean. So today I felt like rubbish and yet I was happy. My head hurts and my throat is sore but I have paracetamol!! Today was a good day. Today I showed up. xo

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